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Jonathan Malloy - Week Two Grades

Political Parties

Bloc Quebecois

We are the Bloc Quebecois. You Will Be Assimilated. We are so feared that everyone is talking about us. Can a minority government make a deal with us? Will we hold a knife to Ottawa's throat? Will we create a constitutional crisis? Who knows? Now if you'll excuse us, we have to get back to preparing for our big day. June 28? Non. June 24, of course.

Conservative Party

Hello. My name is Stephen Harper. I lead the Conservative Party. Any party members who didn't believe in God surely do now, considering how much we've gotten away with here. The Liberals have completely imploded and we are getting the biggest free ride since the day the roller coaster opened at the West Edmonton Mall. We think so little of our platform that we released it on the Saturday before both the D-Day anniversary and Game Six. When our candidates go off message, we squelch it so fast that no one notices. I won't allow reporters to talk to my friends or family, so the worst thing they can do is dig up my old MA thesis and try to stay awake reading it. My name is Stephen Harper and I have nothing else to say. Except Go Flames (my advisors are briefing me on this whole hockey/sports thing).

Liberal Party

Hi. We're the Paul Martin team (formerly the Liberal Party). We are paralyzed. We don't know what to do. We've spent the last ten years crushing all our foes and showing no mercy. We only have one method of campaigning - "juggernaut" - and we're not used to having to actually think about strategy and tactics. Our commercials are meaningless. We're so out of ideas that we send cabinet ministers to heckle Stephen Harper. We take back everything we said about Jean Chretien; he's welcome to campaign for us. Oh, and as usual, we've made a big child care promise we know we can't fulfill. Only three more weeks of agony to go.

New Democratic Party

The NDP - Hey! Disaffected Liberals! Remember us? We're the NDP! We're, like, running and everything! What's that? Our policies? Well, remember the ridiculous set of promises Bob Rae made in 1990 to spend money on everything - and failed miserably to carry out? We just changed the cover. Oh, the Clarity Act? Um, we're against it. No, for it.
Uh....what do you think our position should be? Oh, and don't forget our
slogans: Soak the Rich. Globalization Mostly Bad. Progress That Somebody Else Will Pay For. And....Vote for the Moustache.

Past Political Party Grades

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