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Scotty

I've decided to start a new religion.

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I will call it Submission.

The main tenet of my religion is that women must submit to men. Men will be able to have as many wives as they wish, and to divorce them very simply by saying "I divorce you". To help keep the women in line, though, they will not be able to divorce their husbands unless I say so. Oh, and their husbands will be able to beat them, but not around the face, because we don't want their looks to be damaged. Women will not be able to own anything, and their word will only be worth 1/4 that of a man.

They will be required to dress appropriately, in a fitting religious way, such as this.

I haven't decided if I will require collars around their necks or not as is properly befitting submissives. What do you think?

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The tenets seem pretty good, now you just need a solid backstory, and a couple loyal followers willing to kill anyone who doesn't submit.

Edited by Bonam

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The very first thing and by far the most important is to have an article or act of faith that you can sell.

Once a disciple accepts that, all the rest follows.

"In the beginning, God created the Heavens and earth...."

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The tenets seem pretty good, now you just need a solid backstory, and a couple loyal followers willing to kill anyone who doesn't submit.

There is but one God, and his name is McPherson! He created the universe with a big bang, and anyone who insults him will leave it the same way.

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Don't forget the tax benefits of becoming a church. Perhaps you can get your man-cave a tax exemption as a religious place of worship!

=k

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You'll never find women to embrace a crackpot religion where a woman's word is worth only one quarter that of a man!

Though I admit the dress code seems both sensible and fashionable.

Edited by Argus

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I think I'll just stick with the Spaghetti Monster myself. Beer volcano's, stripper factories and of course Pirates! They also have a graph that proves everything, how can you beat that!

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I think I'll just stick with the Spaghetti Monster myself. Beer volcano's, stripper factories and of course Pirates! They also have a graph that proves everything, how can you beat that!

Pastafarians do seem happier than most.

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Pastafarians do seem happier than most.

I prefer my religion bland, mild and inoffensive so I'll start an Alfredo cult within Pastafarianism.

It will be like the United Church within Protestanism,.

Or maybe Unitarian.

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The problem there is the Bolognesians. Sure, they aren't much of a threat now, but some are becoming radicalized. They take the promise of garlic toast in paradise seriously.

Edited by bcsapper

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The problem there is the Bolognesians. Sure, they aren't much of a threat now, but some are becoming radicalized. They take the promise of garlic toast in paradise seriously.

Is it time to KILL THEM ALL?.

I feel threatened by them right now, them and their filthy oily meat sauce.

Burka burka burka!!!

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The problem there is the Bolognesians. Sure, they aren't much of a threat now, but some are becoming radicalized. They take the promise of garlic toast in paradise seriously.

Heathens! Everyone knows paradise is full of garlic bread sticks not toast!

This reminds me of the hilarious Sky Cake bit by Patton Oswalt.

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I will support any religion which gives as much holidays as possible.

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I will support any religion which gives as much holidays as possible.

I hereby decree only every Wednesday a work day, only women can be the boss, and McPherson cleans toilets.

Thank you.

Donations in the thousands are accepted for such edicts.

.

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You'll never find women to embrace a crackpot religion where a woman's word is worth only one quarter that of a man!

Why not, when a man can't get a word in edgewise in any conversion who cares that those odd words are worth more? The woman is still way out ahead.

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How many do you want?

4 per month... also, 3 week-long religious festivals per year in addition. I would convert.

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4 per month... also, 3 week-long religious festivals per year in addition. I would convert.

Like the tired, poor, huddled masses that trade allegiance to Jesus for some food or education from missionaries, I would pay lip service to a religion for those kind of benefits.

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Like the tired, poor, huddled masses that trade allegiance to Jesus for some food or education from missionaries, I would pay lip service to a religion for those kind of benefits.

This is something that Liberals in Ontario have known for decades.

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4 per month... also, 3 week-long religious festivals per year in addition. I would convert.

But i wanna 6-9 per month.

Edited by freekundli

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